He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Talk about an dramatic entrance, girl rolled up on a stolen bike and was wearing heels and a dress, through it on the ground and said "you guys want a bike?" Of course i jumped on that shit, any sane person would!
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I mean it's a good blow job, but it's not worth the four hour round trip.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
Randomize
