all I know is if I don't watch spice world right now there will be a firefight.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
oh, it's pms. I almost cried yesterday bc my roommates didn't seem perky enough when I got home.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I forgot to tell you, the medics put you in a wheel chair. ( I kept telling you to cat daddy) oh you also gave everyone high fives for speaking English.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I GOOGLED IT. BEES CAN MASTURBATE. WHAT.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
Randomize
