He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
GETTING HORNY AT RANDOM IS REALLY FUCKING INCONSIDERATE.
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
