Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
Pretending to care about her feelings is becoming a full time job
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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