My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
To make up for the snow days we missed he's making us write a paper on alcoholism. It's like he knows.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
will a lunchtime blow job make it better?
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
