A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Partying with them is like having your dick stapled to your left nostril
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Are you ok?!
I assume I've stopped bleeding because I haven't passed out, but can't verify currently.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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