New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Dude. All those hangovers I never had came back with a vengeance. I just opened the door of this car to barf. The car was not motionless. We are on the autobahn.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Only you would make Mario Party a contact sport.
And you owe me a new pair of switch controllers.
Randomize