I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
The forecast for tonight is alcohol and low expectations.
You're the only meteorologist I listen to.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Hi I love you will you be up for a while!
That exclamation point was a drunk decision
Randomize