i think i recognize dicks better than faces
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
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