Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Randomize
