I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
Annd you probably wouldn't of fallen down the stairs if you didn't insist on taking 'finale shots'
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
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