I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
Randomize
