Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
Planned Parenthood should have gift certificates.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
cell reception changed and I can no longer text you from the toilet... that means I'll be texting you less often, just fyi
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I don't have any plans for New Year's except watching anime and drinking until I can't read the subtitles anymore.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
Shit happens dude.
Shit doesn't just HAPPEN on the kitchen floor you asshole.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
