well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Sorry we couldn't "turn off the mirrors." How're you feeling today?
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
Randomize
