Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
After everything you did, you followed it with "Oh God, that's something a high person would do. But I'm not high." So yeah, you're not getting near my stash again.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Dude my doctor just legit got down on her knees and loudly begged me to do my pap smear
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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