The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
Hi you snuggled with me in my bed in a maid outfit
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Randomize
