I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
this girl is running around outside screaming, it's creaming on me! it's creaming on me. I totally have to find my video camera
You smell like stripper and shame
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
1. They have gold fish races every wednesday. 2. They have a redbull vodka slushie. We need to visit this place.
1. My fish will beat your fish. 2. Were getting fucked up
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I think your dad took our porno
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize