I don't know if the fire truck was perfect timing or if she actually burned something down.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Watching her eat just hurts me
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
It's taking all of my will power not to chug this margarita. This must be the life of an adult...
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
Randomize
