watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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