i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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