i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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