I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
So I love answering sex questions in intimate relationships class on a clicker when im sitting next to my cousin..
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Randomize
