I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
He legit pounded my cooking wine, because he was to cheap to buy beer. He is so not getting any.
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
the liver wants what the liver wants
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
All I got was pictures of my boss and dicks. So, that was the end of snapchat.
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
