Short Circuit remake moving forward, David Carradine dead by his own hand. Come home soon, society deteriorating rapidly. Nation's capitol likely not safe.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
I have diapers under my sink. trying to convince myself to use them.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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