help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
she woke up, said "please dont tell me your name, i dont want to remember it"
Thanks for sticking it out with old horseface last night... I owe you one buddy.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
its really sad that i have to specifically make this a rule but, absolutely no lighting smoke bombs indoors at my birthday party.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I JUST WANT TO HAVE AWKWARD SEXUAL EXPERIENCES WITH HIM.
Randomize
