She went from zero to smokin in five shots
I don't plan to be alive for 2010 so ima say this 12 hours early. Happy New Year bitches
just joined the mile high club. if this plane crashes because of this text, it was worth.
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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