"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Enjoy your early 30’s! You’re still young enough to catch a twenty something that can fuck 4 times a day, hot enough to date forty year old penises that can last long enough to give you multiple orgasms
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