Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
She asked if you knew her boyfriend, and you responded that you "think you gave him head once" and then hiccupped.
Also, my drunkenly packed sleepover kit consisted of a singular sock, my uncharged laptop, and a pack of post-it notes.
Guess who figured out you can fit an entire bottle of champagne in a big Subway cup. Open container laws my ass.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
