also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Randomize
