oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
Holy fuck. She looks like Vin Diesel's stuntman
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
You were hugging the toilet and shouting "don't let fatty eat me" through the closed door.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
Randomize
