I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
It was confusing and full of hummus
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
I could of sworn you were praying in the strip club.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
I would say "man cannot subsist on sexting and brownies alone" but I think it's actually possible.
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
Randomize
