saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Totally forgot this... How weird was it when they were licking our faces
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
Randomize
