i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
