I'm going to jail i love you
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Some guy was coming onto me last night and in the middle of it all he said: 'It literally says this on my birth certificate: Francis Coburt: The Guy Who Can Pull Two Beers Outta His Pants Like Magic.'
If I can ever get control of my legs I will be home. Thanks... and again sorry about your bed.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize
