There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The weed is temporarily burning the grammar section of my brain library.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
