I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
Well I'm 85-90% sure that he licked syrup off my body, but no guarantees...
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
