Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Some Russian dude just came up to us and I'm pretty sure he offered his girlfriend to have sex for 80 bucks. Whoever said porn movies were unrealistic.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
I now own a bag of cigarettes and have no purse, awesome
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
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