she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
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