i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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