Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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