I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Dude. She was wearing nothing but Wonder Woman panties and a flag for a cape and sneaking around leaving PBR's by passed out people for the morning. She called herself the 'Merica Fairy.
Why haven't you proposed already?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
You ever fart so hard it made you cum a little? A "friend of mine" wanted to know.
Randomize
