Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
Basically I think I'm replacing men/sex with theme parks.
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Randomize
