If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize