I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
There is so much to learn about oneself from autofill.
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
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