I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
me + whiskey = a bad person
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Randomize