I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
You have plans tonight?
Stress crying into a bottle of long island ice tea mix...other than that nope
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
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