Whod you bang
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
dont call me baby and dont touch my ears. ITS ALL I ASK
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
Randomize
