i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
Don't remember much from last night, but I recall slipping you the tounge. For that I apologize
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
It's like all my brain cells are screaming at me.
I'm dying.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
Randomize