So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
she just pulled a hulk hogan to make her point. no idea how it helped
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
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