Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
A man in a black on black escalade pulled up next to me, and told me he was sent to pick me up by you.
His name is Tyreece. He will take you to the weed emporium, population me.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
