is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
