He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I have pink band-aids all over my body, WHAT HAPPENED?
Keg backpack and a Bike
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
And I'm not sure if that's how you pluralize penis. Never planned on needing to know that in my life.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
