dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
He shit in the fireplace
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
I am watching Wayne Gretzky and Alexander oveckhin play video games for charity. What is life right now.
Randomize
