Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
She is my favorite of all the girls you have fucked. Other than me.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
That awkward moment when you realize that last night you walked from in n out to petco, bought a mouse for $3, named it mogar, taught it how to skateboard on a techdeck, made it a home out of a trash can, fed it fruity pebbles and cheese, and then forgot where you left it.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
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