Not hooking up w him- he has one of those L.L. Bean book bags w his initials on it
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
It's that time of the week again where I begin to ponder life's great questions like, "What will my pathetic excuse for a future look like?" and "Why tacos?"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Randomize
