He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Lynn just told me "I heard about your divorce. Condoms or morning pill your choice and I'm buying". Sorry but I got plans now bro.
Randomize
