Literal conversation "you are ________ ____. you facebook friended me"
this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
If someone cant be won over with guacomole and tequila they are not worth your time.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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