that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
