Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
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