My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
Randomize
