your parents love me but you hate me
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
she's on the floor slapping my dogs face with slices of pizza
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Randomize
