i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Just be aware that next year I will probably try to seduce you to avoid going to the gym
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
Randomize
