some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
Wake your ass up this is a day of horror where we get horroibly drunk and sleep with tandom dudes who wish they were super heros ps i havr stuffed animals over my privates im a petting zoo this year
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
We were making out on the floor and his 13 year old beagle crawled in between us & just sat there...I got cockblocked by an ancient beagle named Bubba
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Between his smile and monumental dick even the virgin mary woulda blown that man and I am far from the virgin. I didn't stand a chance.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
