No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
she kept asking for a lobster dinner while she was crying. it was actually the most reasonable drunk chick request i've ever heard.
You told the cop at mobil to keep it real and look both ways before crossing the street.
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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