if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was mid hand job and stopped me because he wanted to "connect" which meant putting his thumb in between my eyebrows and a hand over my heart and closing our eyes...
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I told my grandmother all I want is a nice guy who likes to be tied up.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
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