nut hugger
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
I puked in the cab and in my hair and he didnt even know
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
We'll find out our level of friendship after tonight. You'll be helping me move a body. My body.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
He told me to take off work and bring a bathing suit. If this doesn't involve six flags hurricane harbor or sex in a hotel pool I'm going to be disappointed.
This is my life. Enjoy the view
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Randomize
