did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Fun Fact: The stage were about to graduate on is where we once drove a van and kidnapped someone.
Fun Fact 2: My parents are sitting by the bushes I peed in this weekend.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
Oh no I would never do that to her. But when you're single again let me know. Cheating penis is definitely better than single penis. But she has claws.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
I need an outfit for the bar tmrw that reads I have daddy issues and would like a fancy sugar daddy.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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