and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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