quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Randomize
