4 words: hood of his car
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
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