ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
Do they take checks?
Did you really just ask me if you could write a check for a DRUG DEAL?
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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