he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
He had a cowboy hat I don't know where from and he was trying to lasso a snowman with a dog leash.
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
I just looked at your pics on Facebook....there was cake? Where the fuck was I!?
Apparently there's nothing on sonza for "giving a handjob while sunbathing"
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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