Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
I caught myself caressing my own hand while nurturing a glass of bourbon. I think it's time to get back out there.
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
