She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
Randomize
