Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
quadriplegic porn is always funny
no. no its not
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
Oh and someone pissed in my shoes, so I'll let you figure that out.
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Randomize
