i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
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