also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
No idea who's grandma but people were just running around naked
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
Well you’re enrolled in an Ivy League grad school and I’m currently at a 2 star holiday inn in rural PA so who is really thriving here
Randomize
