But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I made out with a fat chick last night in a hot tub... btw I am breaking up with you
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize