I cut my penus on the lid.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just got back from fathers day breakfast. So hungover i couldn't eat so i just slipped my food in my pockets and threw it out while i puked in the bathroom.
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
Randomize
